tu 8-22-06- 4:37p- This has been a rough couple of weeks. The sober moments were few and far between. I've broken and lost three cell phones in that time. The first being the only one that wasn't recovered. The second was just my back-up, but useless without my SIM card. And the third I had to buy new last week. Still fully functional, but not as pretty as it was before I threw it. I've been going insane more often lately. Being a drunk doesn't help, but at least it takes my mind off of suicide for a while. I have given up drinking for good, though. I've been sober for two days and I hope it doesn't end here. Both my soberiety & my life.

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    fr 7-15-06- 7:38p- I've really been enjoying my summer of unemployment. It's sad to see it come to an end. Lately, I've been able to do a lot of things that would not have been feasible with a full-time job. Tonia and I spent three days and two nights camping at rainbow falls, above Baker River, Fourth of July weekend. We enjoyed the views and the weather, playing in the woods and the water with her golden retriever, Achilles. We set up camp at very top of logging roads, a different one each night, both with amazing 360 degree views. It was almost a dissapointment to come home and jump back into the daily routine. Luckily, the Brown Lantern camping trip was soon planned for the very next week. The annual campout takes place on Finney Creek, south of Concrete on the Skagit River.There's always more food than we can eat and barely less alcohol than we can consume in two days. This year the group was a bit smaller. Tonia and I went down Sunday afternoon and met up with five other early arrivals. The weather was beautiful, but the creek was just a bit too cold. We set up our tents, built a fire and checked out our campsite. The dogs were having a blast. The next day, Mike led us on a journey to Shelf Lake, which was literally a lake at the top of a mountain. We only got lost a handful of times. Travel time one way was two hours.

    Since I've been back, I've been thinking about getting a job. Not doing anything, making any calls, or seeking a job out, but just thinking about it. I had a few leads. A good, outdoor, summer job that would extend into next year was just a phone call away. But that was a phone call I never made. Last night I went downtown to experience What the Heck Fest. I got to the Brown around eight o'clock and hung out with a few people I hadn't seen since the last festival. Mouseheart Factor was playing later on, and I wasn't sure it was going to be tolerable for me. Seeing James up there singing with Mike on guitar, Tim on keyboards, and Noah on drums was great. It was surreal to watch Tex play my parts on bass, however. Granted, he was the bassist I replaced when he moved to California and he had been very considerate and accomodating since he had been back. But on the other hand, I wasn't ready to give it up, as he had. I was 'left go' because every other facet of my life was falling apart. Instead of being one of the few things I still had going in my life, the band became another loss in the midst of everything else. I enjoyed hearing the song from a new perspective, but it wasn't easy. After the show, an old friend asked me if I was still doing the boat thing. I told him I wasn't, but I was always up for that type of work. He said he had quite a few jobs that he would rather give me that someone else and to give him a call. Brightwork, carpentry, deisel mechanics, and Fiberglass fabrication were all on his 'to do for me' list. That was amazing. Once again, a job offer fell right out of the sky and into my lap.

    In the meantime, Tonia has been visiting her brother and his family in Ketchikan, AK. She's been calling me every chance she gets and keeping me updated with the weather and how many fish she has in the cooler to ship home. I miss her. I want this relationship to work out so badly. I hope I'll be able to pull my own weight soon.

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    fr 6-23-06- 5:06p- I guess it's time to provide some details to accompany that last post. On May thirty-first I got pulled over by a Stater for expired tabs and just about got arrested. Surprizingly, it was my first time getting cuffed and thrown in the back of a patrol car. Turned out, I had an outstanding ticket and they had suspended my license. I was house-sitting in Clearidge at the time, which became a huge burden not being able to drive. Getting to and from work in LaConner was a hassle as well. One monday (the 12th of June), I got a ride back to Anacortes with Tessa. We had both had a rough day and had been drinking as much liquor as we could without Brenda firing us. I had convinced her to come to the Hong Kong with me for their lumpia and visit Tonia, who was bartending. I neglected to think about band practice, which was supposed to start about the time Tessa and I left Seed's, but was soon reminded by Tonia. I called James and told him I was drunk and probably wouldn't make it, but I'd try. I never tried. I ate half a plate of lumpia, drank three beers, and smoked six cigarettes before Tessa left. I could have gotten her to take me up to the studio, but I really didn't want to leave. Instead, I hung out with Tonia, who was disappointed in me. The next day, I had the day off and a court date to settle my ticket situation. Tonia drove me over to Mt. Vernon and went shopping until I was done. Being a first-time criminal offender, I had the option to post and forfeit bail of $250 instead of getting a lawyer and having a hearing. The Judge gave me until the twelvth of Sept. to get everything squared away. Everything includes: three tickets (not including the $250 bail), new tabs, insurance, and getting my license reinstated. I was scheduled to work at four-thirty the next day, but never looked for a ride and ended up sleeping in with Tonia all day. The day after that, I didn't go in to work either. Tim had taken some vacation time to go down the coast and clear his head, and I'm sure his phone was ringing off the hook because of me. I didn't return any of the calls I got that weekend. All I did was follow Tonia around and act depressed. She was ready to give up on me. I had given up on me.
    There are still quite a few people I haven't talked to who have been pestering me. My parents call me nonstop, and my sister has stopped by a few times in addition to calling. I haven't even dealt with my grandma's death yet. I haven't talked to my family at all about it. They'll catch up with me eventually, I guess. In the meantime, I'm falling in love with Lucy. She's the sweetest pit bull puppy I could ever imagine. Yesterday, Bill, Grace and the kids left on a road trip to Yellowstone. I have the house all to myself for ten days. So far I've been productive- cleaning, sorting and getting ready to trade rooms with Bill. It shouldn't be too bad. Rent will be even cheaper. I think I might do alright if I just focus on getting a job. It's going to be hard without the ability to drive.

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    mo 6-19-06- 10:10p- Yes, this is all your fault. Blame yourself. You always seem to eventually. It's June and I've lost my license, my job, my band, my grandmother, and very soon, my girlfriend. I'm stoned. I'm not dealing with it. Bill's pushing me to move into the little bedroom so he and Grace can move in here. I think I'll move out of here and kill myself. I don't want to have to move twice. Bill and Grace came back from wherever they were with more groceries and a pit bull. Bill comes in saying, "I had to get this thing out of the house before my father had a heart attack or my brother killed the dog or both." Now Lucy the pit bull is running around in the back yard with Nahla. I told them they should let Amber Moffitt know and she'd be here to pick it up in five minutes. Bill tried to call Tim, but no answer. I told him to take a picture of Lucy and text it to Amber and he did so. Tonia just called me. She was just getting off work and wondering what I'm up to. By the time I said, "yeah, i'll go down to the brown with you," she was already there and didn't really want to hang out with me anyway. I love how she convinces me to do what she doesn't want to do.

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    mo 10-24-05- 1:31a- i can't wait for the snow. i'm getting sick of autumn. all the octoberfest beers taste like dead leaves. the spaten from munich is adequate, though. anyway. i had the bestest weirdest day today. i woke up hungover at ten o'clock to tim calling me and asking if i was going to church. i said no. i'm asleep. amber called back and asked me if i was going to church. i said no. i'm hungover and we're already late. she asked again. i said yes. i'll be ready at ten-fifteen. i took a quick shower, shaved, combed my hair and got dressed up in harvest green only to wait for ten minutes for the moffitts to show up at my house. they never came. i thought about driving to burlington and meeting them there, but i couldn't get a hold of tim. amber's number isn't in my phone, so i left seventeen voicemails and decided to walk down to pick up my truck. i needed coffee. the whole time i knew that the black infinity was going to pull to the side of the road to pick me up because they would know that i would be doing everything within my power not to make them late. they showed up at my door at 10:35a. bill and mindy both said, "yeah, he was just here," and knocked on my door searching for me, but must have missed my departure, for they were making omelettes and don't usually focus on much other than "food".
   last night i had dranken only two shots and three beers to my knowledge, but from several acountable sources i had actually gone down to the watertown after said drinks were consumed and had a few more shots and beers. i don't remember any of it. i do, however, have a large cut on the palm of my hand and a useless pinky finger from my adventurous walk home. by the time amber called back, i was on 8th & "I ave," still walking with my thumb out to anyone who drove by, knowing that the moffitts would be pulling over for me soon in the suv. when they picked me up i was within six blocks of my truck. we stopped for coffee at penguin, where i had a free punch card, then headed to his place church for an informative sermon on the history of palestine. next, we headed to big lake to pick up tim's cell phone from a guy who randomly picked it up from the bathroom at seed's and thought he was more likely to get it back to its rightful owner if he took it home, rather than turning it in at the counter like a logical being. twenty five minutes on windy, country roads, and we were thinking of nothing but where we were going to eat. after much contemplation, arguing, and a quick stop at stupid prices, we decided on the bowling alley. i was against it, but didn't voice my opinion on this.
   when we were crossing the bridge, tim proclaimed that we were going to the casino for the prime rib buffet. we went for it. unfortunately, it was horrible. the fruit was bad, the sausage was dry, and the prime rib had been sitting under heat lamps since early this morning. once we were finished, i tried to pay for our meal, but my credit card was declined. fucking sundays, why do i always deposit my paychecks on saturday and assume that they get processed immediately? after my well-intentioned brunch-buying was settled with amber's credit card, we decided to spend a few minutes at the roulette table. amber bought the three of us in at ten bucks each and we had our go. i kept betting on the 2 to 1's, the 2nd third, and red and won consistenly until i got bored and my headache started coming back. tim was doing poorly, and bought in again for twenty bucks. amber kept breaking even and finished with $10 in chips when we finally cashed out. after spending ten dollars of amber's and twenty of his own, tim cashed out with forty bucks. i, on the other hand turned in my chips for one hundred thirty dollars and a big smile. my belly was really upset on the way home from the disgusting gourmet buffet, so i changed quickly and headed down to the brown for a bloody mary and the end of the seahawks game. rayna, being from dallas, is going to be pissed when i see her tomorrow. her mom was in town and everything for the game. at five o'clock i bought cigarettes & beer and headed to practice, arriving ten minutes late. it was a productive practice. noah and tim & i decided to go back down to the brown for a few games of foosball, even though we were immensely tired and angry that we didn't take naps this afternoon. we drank too much and had too much fun and i ended up with an order of deep-fried olives, six shots of Jagermeister, and five beers on my tab. i drove tim home and finished off the night with the coffee i bought on my way to practice that i didn't tell you about.

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    fr 5-12-06- 3:26a- This is all rather strange, but my life is finally starting to make sense. I'm happier than I have been in years. I've been living in this house for fifteen months and I just now hung up the first two pictures on my bedroom walls. At work I've been promoted to the lowest entry-level position imaginable, but with a pay raise. I'm in the midst of a relationship with a beautiful woman to whom I give credit for my recent happiness. I haven't spent more than five minutes in front of a computer in as long as I've been with her. I'm happy. I'm really starting to like who I am.

    I only agreed to wash a few dishes at Seed's for a bit of variety. A change of scenery. It's nice to be at work and only have to deal with one or two assholes. Usually, as a server, I get the opportunity to meet dozens of them. The last few weeks I would look back on my days and wouldn't be able to tell them apart. The only dynamic situations would come with a particularly rude customer who stood out in retrospect. These days I feel more like myself. Less like a robot. Would you like fries with that? Now, when I go in for a shift as a server, I feel rejuvinated and ready to face the world. I get more compliments on my abilities than I ever have and I actually enjoy carrying out the tasks that used to feel like mindless busiwork.

    Mouseheart Factor also has a few shows coming up that we've been getting ready for. First, we're playing Althea's again on Saturday the twentieth with the same band who played with us last time. We've decided to open for them this go 'round because before eleven Althea's is an all ages venue, so more of our friends will be able to see us. Also, last time the crowd seemed to file out about the time we were going on stage. Secondly, we're playing the Brown Lantern on the Saturday in the midst of Memorial Weekend. That should be an adventure. And finally, we're finishing off the month with a show at the Rendezvous in Seattle on the thirty-first. Three shows in ten days. Great time to test out new material.

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    tu 3-28-06- 3:19p- Life is just so awesome that I don't want to sit in front of a computer for even this long.

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    su 2-26-06- 9:00a- i don't have anything nice to say, so i'm not going to say anything at all.

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    sa 1-28-06- 5:53p- i guess last weekend was slightly entertaining. after work last friday i came home to change and called james to solidify our plans for the night. he told me tex wouldn't be getting off work until 5:30p so i should show up at the studio just after five. it just so happened to be cassidy's birthday, so rayna was working for him that evening. at five o'clock i was at the brown taking an inventory of bartenders and ordering a beer. i gathered that rayna wouldn't be coming in until nine. five minutes later, my beer was finished and i was driving to meet james and tex. when i arrived they were playing drum and bass in the studio, so i grabbed a beer and hung out with amber for a few minutes. we had planned on going down to seattle early to hang flyers for the mouseheart factor show on the eleventh, but james informed me that the flyer wasn't ready due to printer error. the three of us met up with tim in laconner and he drove us down to seattle. i can't remember for the life of me where we ate, but i do know that tim had the singapore noodles, tex had pad thai with chicken, and james & i split the pad thai with tofu. after dinner we headed over to the crocodile to see how things were setting up. nothing was happening because it turned out that the first band didn't go on until ten o'clock. we went in the back to the bar and drank some delicious beer until the hands on the clock on the wall started to get fuzzy. then we had some shots of jager. the rest of the night went pretty smoothly after that. the first band, viva k, was ridiculously horrible. indescribably bad. benzos, on the other hand, was fantastic. the crocodile was still pretty vacant at that point, which was discouraging for us. "if it's this dead on a friday night, what's it going to be like when we play here on a tuesday?"
  "fantastic, it will be fantastic." benzos filled up the better part of an hour with their set and then, at eleven thirty, lake trout finally went on. they put on a good show, but overall it was a little disappointing. i liked benzos' set more than what lake trout put together. i think we all would have enjoyed it more if we hadn't gotten up so early that morning. it was one thirty when lake trout called it quits. now, it's been so long i don't have a clue what i did on saturday. and sunday's a blur. oh yeah. football- whoo... i guess i'll have to start over.

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    we 1-18-06- 3:10p- it feels like i haven't had a day off in months. there's so much i should be doing, so much that hasn't gotten done for weeks. instead, however, i'm sitting here wasting my time typing something i won't ever reread- something i pro'ly don't even mean- while sewing up my dilapidated jeans so i can go out tonight. i'll more than likely be heading downtown to see rayna, who picked up a shift at the brown. i haven't talked to her since the twenty-third of december, her last day. i wonder how the holidays treated her. i wonder if she's back together with jason. i'm wondering all these things that i've been trying to keep out of my head for what seems like months. i hope she's had as difficult a time trying not to think about me.
   my friends have all been advising me not to see her. 'nothing good can come of this,' they say. telling me that it's only going to hurt more, and they're worried about how i'm going to handle another dissapointment. i've been doing nothing but making rayna mix cds since we began our stint. she's been enjoying them and with each installment i try to out-do the last one. i have a few songs jotted down for the next one, but can't bring myself to finish it for her. instead i have a copy of ben harper's fight for your mind to slip her tonight. there's one particular song on it that she loves, but she's never heard the original- only cover versions of it done by me. she told me that she loves my voice on this one. asked me why i don't sing that low all the time. my heart hurts. wow, everyone was right. it is going to be incredibly hard to see her again. i hope someone talks me out of going down there tonight.

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    sa 12-31-05- 8:00p- i can't wait to ring in the new year. good riddance to two thousand-five. so far, the holidays have left me in a stupor. depressed, drunk and in a constant state of denial. i don't want to face the world anymore. my friends and family are trying so hard to bring me back to reality, but i'm too stubborn to listen to them. i'd rather wallow in my own self pity. and why not? who's to say i don't deserve this? i've been spending a lot of time with james lately. he's doing a good job of keeping me on track. i don't know exactly where the tracks are headed, but i'm sure the destination's a lot better than where i'd like to go. it's been hard for me this past week not to think about rayna. i keep wanting to revisit all the emotions she instilled in me, but in doing so i only realize that i'll never be that close to her again. she will never be a part of my life again. i can't even accept that right now. aaarrrrrgh! if only i could see her. if only i could call her. blast. i'm giving up. okay, to think positive for a while... soon i'm going down to the brown to meet james and head up to tim & amber's house for drinks. then mike is going to pick us up in the limo and take us back to the brown for a good 'ol time. at that point, i'll prolly head over to guemes island for a folkie fantastic festival of alcohol and music. spoonshine is going to be playing along with other ensembles i can't remember right now. then to catch the ferry back home. i hope my dad isn't working tonight. i'd hate for him to have to refuse his own intoxicated son a ride on the ferry.
happy boo year.

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    th 12-22-05- 7:38p- yeah, so the quarterly skate of shame was last night. i don't remember any of it. hooray. that equals a good night.

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    tu 12-20-05- 6:34p- the last few days have been very realistic, which is a stark contrast from the last few months. the shows with mouseheart factor went really well last weekend. the d.o.s. supplied a bit of entertainment for us before we went on stage. spy island, from portland, opened up and set the scene for squid vs. shark who were out a guitarist due to a high school basketball game. priorities, mike! argo was fantastic as always and actually got the crowd dancing. there weren't really that many people there. maybe 60, i don't know. but by the time we started playing there were a lot less. that's the trouble with a friday night at an all ages venue. most of the people who come out for the show are under 16 and have been up since six thirty in the morning. the brown lantern the next night was much more worth while. we weren't all suited up like we had been the night before, but there was certainly a crowd to see argo and us. i can't remember the last time i had that much fun.

    i've been pursuing someone for the last few months knowing that she is entirely unattainable. we've been pretending like it might someday work out, but have recently come to our senses and called it off. i wish i could go on pretending. maybe someday she'll be ready. maybe someday i'll respect who i am. maybe someday...

    i find myself missing the time i spent in nicaragua. missing the people i went with and the people i met along the way. i miss the weather and the culture and just being away from where i am now. i need to do something like that again soon. otherwise i don't think i'll be doing much of anything.

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    th 12-14-05- 12:01p- we have a couple shows coming up this weekend. i'm excited, but mainly just nervous. i've had a rough couple of weeks. work is going well, but is constantly overshadowed by getting sick and drinking too much. i drove home one night when i shouldn't have and woke up to two flat tires. the front passenger's side and the rear driver's side both had large chunks taken out of the sidewall. they looked liked they had been slashed, but my subconcious made it very clear to me that i had done it by driving over a curb- sideways. the next day after church i rotated my tires around so i had two normal wheels in the back and two 'donuts' in the front. the spare tires blatently say all over them that you should only drive on these for a maximum of fifty miles and to not exceed 50mph. i've already gone two hundred & fifty miles and haven't changed my driving habits a bit. on another note, i think i'm in love. i hope it causes me to be more responsible. i'd like to remember what it feels like to go to bed sober and wake up with some money.

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     updates in less than forty hours. i'm serious this time.

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     We were trying to watch Tarzan, but Cort was more interested in the Incredibles action figures.

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- - - - -  view the next pic- - - - ->

    Sean finally sent me some pictures of his brand new baby boy.  I'm so excited/happy/proud for Christen and him.  They're going to be great parents.  Life is so fantastic.  I can't wait to grow up.

    By the way, I just had to notice that Christen looks really good in that picture taken twenty-eight minutes after labor.  And Max looks just like Sean in those glasses.

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    su 7-10-05- 1:37a-  Sean just sent me another text message.  From the tone of it I gathered he was excited to be a father.

12:56am 7/10/05
It's a boy! Uh huh, uh huh,
uh huh uh huh uh huh.
Only 6lbs. 5.3 oz. 19 inches.
And not the umbilical chord
if you know what I mean.

  I can't wait to see the little feller.

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    sa 7-09-05- 9:03p-  I just pulled the popcorn out of the microwave only to find that the bag was dripping with butter.  It had been cooking in there, swimming in its own imitation grease.  After a quick hose down and the bag-to-bowl transfer, I was sitting back down at the computer when my phone buzzed at me.  It was a text message that had this to say:

    I can see the head!
   Ajmjgptxmkda!!!
   8:49pm 7/9/05

   I replied with the quick numeric keypad version of congratulations:
222 666 66 4 777 2 8 88 555 2 8 444 666 66 7777
Sean & Christen's baby is three days early, but I'm sure she's glad to have it off her chest- or whatever.  I can't wait to find out if it has a penis or not.

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    sa 7-09-05- 5:2847a-  I was just about ready to get off the computer and head to bed at 1:00a when the phone rang.  Bill and the kids are camping at Neah bay, so I'd been ignoring the phone pretty much all day.  When I finally picked it up, I heard exactly what I expected.  "Is Bill there?  Fuck.  Can you help us, Jeff?  We're having a bit of an emergency.  Thanks so much."  It was Bill's Aunt Donna.  She was having a situation with mice in her apartment.  I stood there thinking what the hell I could bring that might be useful, then bolted out the door with a towel and a plastic bag.

    I had made arrangements to help out Fern's new boss in Bellingham at nine o'clock the next morning and was planning on getting up around seven.  I new that these mice were going to pose a threat to my sleep schedule, so I made good time getting over there.

    When I knocked on the sliding glass door, Donna and her childhood friend from Florida were having a laugh in the kitchen. "What'd you bring there?  A towel?" They told me they had locked one mouse in the bathroom with Mattie, who I found out later was the cat, and the other one was somewhere in the closet.  After being briefed on what they had tried, what they had been told to try, and exactly what they didn't want me to tell them about how I got rid of the little bugger, they locked me in Donna's bedroom to flush the first mouse out of the closet.  I set up a barricade with the towel so that when I opened the closet door the mouse wouldn't run right out underneath me.  Next, I started pulling out all the clothes and shoes that were on the floor and shaking them.  After I cleared out the right side of the closet I set up another towel barricade and shifted everything from the left side to the right- one by one, shaking the items as I picked them up.  After the closet had been carefully sifted through I pulled everything out all at once, just to satisfy any doubts that I had.  Finally convinced that there was no mouse, I quickly folded, organzied and put back the contents of the closet.  After throroughly checking the other hiding places in the room I came out and declared my findings.  I grabbed a broom along with my towel and the plastic bag and headed into the bathroom to find out what Mattie had down with the isolated mouse.  When I opened the door, the cat was meowing and walking proudly towards the door.  I let her out and started hunting for the rodent remains.  Nothing obvious.  Nothing in the shower.  Nothing behind the toilet.  Then I saw it hiding in the package containing the last two rolls of toilet paper.  The cat had done nothing.  The mouse shot out of the toilet paper rolls towards the crack under the door, but I intercepted with the broom.  It scurried back into the tp package and I gently lifted up the plastic-wrapped rolls and shook them over the toilet bowl.  Splash.  Flush.  "What's going on in there?"  Did you find it?"  "Did you flush it?"

    I sorely explained to the ladies that the cat had done nothing about exterminating the mouse while locked in with it.  Samantha explained that she had had fancy french poodles who were better hunters than Mattie.  I didn't doubt it.  The ladies then began to tell me all of their rodent stories- taking turns- all the while not letting me spout off something inappropriate like, "I need to go home."  They fed me scalloped potatoes, collared greens and cornbread then peach cobbler with ice cream for dessert.  Five glasses of wine and three hours later, the conversation turned towards Hurricane Dennis and all the Floridian hurricane parties the duo had thrown together, ignoring evacuation notices.  Donna asked if I wanted to stay the night on the couch, but I took the opportunity to gather my sweatshirt and towel and head for home.  I just wish I could remember more of their stories.

    Needless to say I didn't wake up at seven this morning.  I even had second thoughts about setting the alarm before I disappeared into my pillow.  I woke up at 9:23a when the lady who I was supposed to be helping called.  I let my voicemail catch it and switched my phone to silent.  Two hours later, I woke up and reached for my phone to see what time it was and noticed that Amanda was calling me.  She asked me how I was doing, what I was planning on doing, and told me that Fern had been calling her all morning trying to get someone to talk to me.  I made a mental note that Fern had never tried to contact me herself.  After I finished talking with Amanda, she called Fern and had her call me and explain what I should do.  "I should call Fern's boss," I thought.  But I never did.

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   fr 7-06-05- 4:1036a-  Amanda is in Denver visiting a friend from college 'til Sunday and I'm here trying to stave off boredom by drinking coffee and sleeping odd hours.  I promised her that I would have a job when she came back, but nothing seems very promising.  David Bazan, the front man for Pedro the Lion, came out with a record in May of this year under the name "headphones".  I haven't listened to Pedro the Lion as much as I intended to since I first heard of them a few years ago, but from what I have heard, I would say that they're incredible musicians driven in many directions.

   Too many directions.  They play a variety of styles, but not enough hard rockin'- pound the beat into the arms of your chair- type stuff that they're really good at.  Bazan's sad, lethargic drawl is reminescent of Evan Dando of the Lemonheads without the witty puns and euphamisms.

   "Headphones," however, is chalk-full of the good shit.  TW Walsh and a handful of others show up to lend a hand/brain on most of the songs, but this album is generally considered to be Bazan's solo project.

   At least that's what James told me when he caught me listening to Pedro's Achilles Heel and recommended that I advance to the next level.  I promptly went down to the Business and had Liz order it for me.  At first she complained that she was only finding stereo equipment and a variety of headphone styles, but promised that it would be in on Tuesday.

   It wasn't though, and neither was I.  I came back in a week and asked again if Liz would order it and she made very clear what a "one-woman-show" she was running.  Granted she has help, but she has trouble following through with some things when life at the record store is so damned distracting.

   Today, when I finally started feeling bored enough to think about leaving the house for some fancy coffee, and after Tanissa complained that there wasn't anything remotely sweet in the house and threatened to eat the bread Bill had set aside for use with dinner, I took her shopping and stopped by to see if the order had finally come in.

   I listened to the first three songs in my truck a little louder than Tanissa preferred and have since taken the disc with me into every room so as not to get out of proper range.  There's a lot more synth and less bass than I anticipated, but overall the album is spectacular.  Number eight, pink and brown, is my new favorite.

   Amanda's only been gone for two days, but I can hardly stand this separation.  I miss her like I miss my hand after it falls asleep.  I went to my parents' house today to celebrate Brett's 29th birthday.  the kids were adorable & entertaining as always.  I was sad I had to leave to go play the bass.  That train of thought just sent me out in the rain to bring in my bass and amp.  I need to get to bed.

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  Google has an incredible new service for finding your bearings. If you go to maps.google.com and click on satellite in the top right, you'll get a clear arial view of everything. Read what Google has to say about this fun new service here.

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  sa 6-12-04- 12:1637p- I smoked pot last night for the first time in I don't know how long. It was a strange night. I called & went over to Lyle's to drop off that computer and ended up staying for potato soup that Margot was just finishing up. Around ten, the three of us went down to the Brown. Margot was a lot of fun dancing to Spoonshine along with countless other flailing appendages. There were shitloads of people down there & I regret being so damn drunk & social. I left with Rachelle & Emily who led me barefoot up the street to Emily & Zach's place to smoke another bowl. Tucker is their half-lab half-sharpai that nuzzled me almost the entire time. Such a big teddy bear of a dog. Then, after I got pissed 'cause Joe Hiland showed up and reminded me what an asshole he is, I left. I walked all the way home & then rode my dad's shitty-ass flat tired bike down to get my truck from the brown. It had a note on it from Rashelle, "what happened?" but I didn't take it too seriously. When I walked in the front door my parents were up- one in the bathroom & one in the kitchen, but they missed me. 7:5555p- So, I guess Amanda & I are back together. Never would have seen that one coming. Bang! It feels right though. I love her so much. We went to see Shrek 2 with Wren & now she's at Elizabeth's going-away dinner party. Her lap top caught a virus or something recently & wouldn't start up windows, so I just fixed that and now I want to burn some cds, but can't figure out where the fuck I put Beck- Sea Change.

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  Yesterday I took part in the annual Skate of Shame. The idea is to start at the highest end of Commercial Avenue and roll in some fashion or another stopping at every establishment that's equipped a bar along the way. We assembled our crew at the Brown and headed up to the Store Grocery at the Southernmost end of Commercial. We rolled our boards as fast as they would go, through traffic and over curbs to the Bowling Alley where the majority of us had a pint of Red Hook Blonde Ale. Next, we skated down the street to the Hong Kong Garden where we bought a couple of four dollar and fifty cent pitchers. Just to give you and idea, that's just a little more than the pints we ordered at the Bowling Alley. I think we had like three pitchers between the eight of us. While we waited for the beer to disappear so we could move on to the next stop, our crew started to grow. Suddenly there were twelve of us. We started trying out fancy tricks, expanding our repertoire from standing on the board without falling. We played a few games of pool at the Anchor and drank bud light. Mike ordered two smallish bottles of champagne that were dranken very quickly. We ate at Esteban's and drank Dos Equis and had a shot each. The lack of bars between 15th and 8th is incredible. I guess that's where most of the banks are. The next stop turned out to be Tokyo Japanese and we were really suprised by the way we were recieved. We didn't initially plan on making this a stop in our parade, but then back-tracked at the last minute. The owners brought us out some free appetizers, so we ate Ede Meme, fried asparagus and sushi with our sake.
  This is getting kind of boring, so I'll just list the places that we stopped from here. PW Murphy's, El Jineté, Randy's Pier 61, The Rockfish, The Brown, and the Watertown. We played some more pool at the Watertown, along with a ton of foosball. All in all, it was a good night with minor injuries.

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  Eliza Rae is so beautiful.  Her eyes are just starting to lean more toward green than blue.  She enjoys tea parties with her uncle Jeff, but mostly she just likes to hug/wrestle him.

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  Last Saturday I spent a few hours with my nephew, Cort.  We played soccer, basketball, croquet, bocci ball, & hide & seek along with countless other "Calvinball" style, make-it-up-as-you-go games.  It's a real blessing to spend so much time with my niece & nephew.  Watching them experience life & learn from it has been a real wonder for me.  I simply can't wait to have kids of my own.

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   6-05-05- 11:53p- On Saturday I had the opportunity to chaperone Issaquah High School's Senior Prom at the EMP.  My girlfriend Amanda, who is in the English department at IHS, asked me to come along as her date since we had never gone to a dance together while we were in highschool.  I couldn't believe how decked out the EMP was for this event.  Just to put it into perspective, the Senior class put more than $30,000 into their prom.  The area designated for the chaperones to take breaks & get away from the high schoolers was the V.I.P. lounge.  Behind the curtain in the picture is a balcony looking over the dance floor (a.k.a. sky church).  Among the incredible items rented for this event were an espresso cart and a chocolate fountain.  It was an incredibly fun night, even if it was spent alomst entirely among high schoolers.

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fr 6-3-05- 1:10a- This is a delicious lavender treat from Cupcake Royale in Madrona.  This is also my first Mobile Post.  Maybe it will be my last (I'm sure it's expensive).

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    I've been promising to get Amanda a cat for over three years. I haven't because, well, she's not ready for it.  The first time she asked, the apartments she was living in prohibited pets.  The next situation included a persian kitty named Cinnamon who would have no competition for affection and its owner being of the mindset that Cinnamon always knows what's best.  Now, Amanda's living with two house-mates- one who eats cats and one who's allergic.  This last Friday, however, she brought home a cute little eight-week-old orange puffball whom we dubbed "Piper." The first night, Piper woke us up every two hours or so, then at 5:00a, didn't let us get back to sleep.  He's a curious little hellian who's either asleep or pouncing- never in between.  The next night we were too tired to let him bother us, and with our arms and legs already as scratched up as they could get, Piper didn't quite have the same effect on us.  But, it also could have been the fact that we were exhausted from his first night at the house.  Overall though, Amanda is in love with the little pest.  The only problem: He's going to have to stay with me this summer.

  On another note, Amanda & I picked up another little critter that will change our lives from this point on.  I finally got a cell phone (after five years of cursing the blasted things) and signed my life away to Cingular.  After waiting in line in the U-Village branch for forty-five minutes we got started heckling, hassling, and weasling ourselves into the best plan for both of our needs.  There was a big poster advertising the Family Plan- for nine ninety-nine per month you could add up to three lines to your existing plan and get unlimited calls between all fifty-four million Cingular customers.  We inquired about this.  Amanda had previously been an AT&T customer, but when the two companies merged, not all the information merged with them.  In order for me to join her plan and save us both money, she would have to buy a new phone- something that she was unwilling to do.  If she stayed with AT&T she would remain unsatisfied with their service and I would end up paying a limb per month on a new plan.  One of the other promotions they offered- which was ending that day- advertised Darth Vader giving you a free phone when you bought a camera phone.  We inquired about this.  It turned out, Mr. Vader wasn't in that day, but we could, in fact, get Amanda a free phone when I bought a camera phone.  I picked out a cute Motorola.  Amanda picked out a cute flip-phone that made noises when you opened it.  At this point we found out that in order to change Amanda's plan over from AT&T she would have to pay an eighteen dollar migration fee & I would have to pay a twenty-eight dollar activation fee.  Then the real bad news hit us.  The only choice you had for the free phone happened to be the same phone Amanda had flopping around in her purse.  We stepped back from the customer service desk and contemplated our decision.  All options were weighed, all choices were considered.  We stepped back up and announced that we were going to do it.  We'll take the camera phone and the free phone Amanda already has, switch her over from AT&T to Cingular, add a line to her plan and sign up for 1100 minutes for $69.99/mo (you save ten bucks if you get that plan).  We hurriedly spat "no's" at the added bells and whistles; the unlimited text messaging, the mulit-media storage space.  We left the store feeling hungry, tired & utterly defeated.  We ate out and went home to tackle the kitty situation.

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    mo 2-02-05- 10:4857a-  The other day I had the opportunity to go down to my old high school to pick up my permantent records.  The impression I got when I walked through the front doors was that they had lowered the ceiling and put up new walls in front of the old ones, turning what used to be spacious coridors into a claustrophobic nightmare.  The color scheme was very asylum-like and nobody seemed to want to make eye contact.  Anyway, it was very depressing to sit down and go through all of the test scores, report cards and letters that had been sent home to my parents.  I thought that I was a pretty good kid up until the eighth grade but, no.  It all started way before that.  My new house is almost ready for me to move in to.  The construction guys are still spending every day there doing almost as much damage as touch-up and repair.  We got Bill's piano moved in the other day and he's been spending the night there since Monday, but I don't want to start the process until "constructivitis" and his lackey crew are out of there. Should be Thursday, but they are already three months overdue.  On another note, I finally got off my ass and talked to someone who might actually be able to get my job back for me.  I put in my application for re-hire down at Northern Marine in early December and didn't hear a word until the end of January.  They wouldn't return my calls and were mysteriously away from the office everytime I stopped by.  Turns out, however, that the guy I was getting sick of dealing with isn't working there anymore.  Instead of starting the process all over again, I went to my old direct boss and asked him if there was anything that he could do.  He sounded pretty confident that he could put something together for me in the next few days and now I'm a little scared to have my hopes up this high.  I hope I don't have to come back, delete this post and pretend this week didn't ever happen.

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    su 1-30-05- 7:1548p-  As I sit here, staring at the incessant blinking of the cursor, I wonder if writing is really a good use of my time.  As I was walking the dog around the neighborhood I thought about the pursuit of happiness and whether or not the silhouettes in the windows were engaged in that quest.  I felt like they should be.  The assumptions I make as I pass by their manicured lawns and luxury cars in the driveway lead me to think that I would would be happy if I was in their shoes, but the truth is I don't know if these people standing around in their backlit livingrooms are even entertained, let alone any better off than me.  If I'm honest with myself, which I rarely am, I would say that happiness is a choice.  I don't need an exceptional or even an acceptable life to enjoy it.  I just need a new get-out-of jail-free card.

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